the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
