I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
