did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
