I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
