The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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