Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ugly people sure do ruin things
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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