I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
