Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
