we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
