Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
