you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Can Purell be used as lube?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it's like iHOP with fire
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
