im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
