He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
