so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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