things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
