You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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