her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
