I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
