so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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