I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
