I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
