so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
