...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
