He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
