so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
