He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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