She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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