at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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