so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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