rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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