3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
