No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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