I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
