I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
