I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
