hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
