I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
