Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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