i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
