Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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