She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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