who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
