i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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