Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
