On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
