No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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