fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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