Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you never un-have a 4some
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
