Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
