are you still at the devil's house?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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