you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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