I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
